RE: Seperation

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
Time to die.




I need to ask you so many questions but you never listen or choose to ignore, maybe sub conciously but you never hear nontheless. Why is there so much negative energy between us constantly you have bassed the end of our love, life and friendship on me responding to your negativity in a negative way (how else should i respond?) you wait and wait unitil the very last minuete pushing me further and further away "and remember we can both get with whoever we want..if it happens .. no violence..no arguing. BROTHER ♥" I read this as we are all ready completely over and this is us trying to be friends going out meeting people kissing them? going home with them? deserting each other in the name of a one night stand? Im not ready for this, get scared and dont go out, how was i supposed to know? and imagine my suprise after youve told me we can definitely not stay at yours and made it very clear your uncomfortable with me coming out for you to say I love you, I need you , I want to fuck you needles to say these are all mutual feelings,things ive longed to hear for so long but as always in the wrong context. I cant help feel like this is some sort of game and there would be no way you would be telling me these things if i played by your rules but i cant, i had for a year and a half and ended up heart broken and completely destroyed . In the things youve said to me this isnt the end maybe for your in your head but in your reality you ended this a long time ago. the things youve said in the messages youve sent me bring back emotions full of love and kindness but i realise you only tell me how you feel when you want an emotional response. all i can say is what i always say im hear for you to love but not to hurt I will help you when you need me but i will not let you put me down or make me feel stupid or a failure anymore because im not and if that makes me a less appealing person to you then im sorry but we have both changed so much. I understand why you see this as the complete end and respect that but if what you said in those messages was true you would work at this with me, we have a connection, i want you , your my soulmate. anyway hope your move goes well and ill help if you need me. id like to come and hear you read stories but i guess you dont want that now i want to support you in all your endevours but im sure you dont want that either. so all i can say is goodluck for your future and i hope you realise that this isnt the end maybe just a new beginning, maybe you can be happy finally :) xxxxxxxx





The last thing i may quote regarding you 
“And it came to me then. That we were wonderful traveling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they’re nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing.”
Sputnik's Sweetheart.

Music

Music is what drives me. I have for as long as i can remember felt suffocated by the modern world, the choice of culture of the majority and the hypocrisy of our goverment and western cultures. my cure for this is music music that lets me breathe, music that makes me smile and when i find tracks that give me that feeling of being complete i  feel alive again for 3 and a half minuets. Right Enough bullshit heres some music i love because it helps me live.

Burn

I slowly burn as the sun comes up, watching her upside down, knickers round her ankles, eyes wide from the cocktail of drink and drugs this night has thrust into her body, he moves to her as my stomach drops, someone just killed the power to the lift and im falling, falling, burning bright. I watch theyre bodies blend and contort fitting neatly together, like a lost jigsaw piece finally finding its place in the puzzle, her primal howls echo through the house. I blend into the backround.



Later she tells me "I hate to love you so I hurt you to live" I tell her I love her as I kiss her forehead, she kisses my lips softly and tells me she misses me but tomorrow will be tomorrow and the day after will be then. she falls asleep in his arms with tears on her face.



Our past burns brighter than our future.

øøøøå\/\/åK∑∆u7P3††††††

I miss you

I love Blink 182 they remind me of house parties and being young , well TBH they pretty awful but they make me happy when im sad,. they remind me of being 13 when all i had to care about was skating, girls and getting high. anyway heres some of theyre songs that make me smile.....

Listening to this now reminds me of a girl i once met at a babyshambles gig in camden.











This video is great Dev and Florence playing blink 182 covers cant go wrong haha.


Keep it teen

Some might say goodbye

Some might say goodbye if they were leaving someone they love B
some might say goodbye if they love someone they leave L
some might say goodbye if the connect with someones heart B
some might say goodbye if they know them pretty well L

and some might say goddbye if they can feel you in theyre head B
and some might say goodbye if they'd just given head L
and some might say goodbye if you were leaving on a plane B
and some may say goodbye because your not cuming back again L

others tend to cry when you dont say goodbye B
and others forget your smile when you dont say goodbye L
others only see angry eyes and words but no goodbye  B
and others seem to lie when you dont say goodbye L

but brothers they cant smile and words dont reach theyre lips B
and lovers they can not cry when they're wrist begin to itch L
and  lovers tend to sigh when theyve seen it all before  L
but brothers turn theyre back when your walking to the door B

Message Understood 




Goodbye 


Good Friend


We are both forgotten 


xxx

Official secrets act

I love this band and song, kinda grown out of it now but it brings back great memories.

I also find myself asking questions

do we change as we get older?

Ive found myself becoming lazy and boring in my opinion anyway and i wonder if its because im getting old and cynical or just well boring?

who knows but i love this song and want to be the version of me that loves this song.

Lost and Found

I wake up every morning with my eyes still blurry, I notice someone next to me, its her, its always her. Something dripping, running down the walls, a redish brown colour. the bed is damp but its not water and its drying, everything comes into focus and her dead lifeless eyes are staring right in to mine, blood crawls across the clean white sheets as the sun bursts through the gaps in the curtains, I scream, I cry but nothing, I feel it, I feel her there, but nothing. I grab her in my arms and scream her name I scream for help but nothing.

I shoot upright in my bed staring, sweating, crying. I look to my left nothing I look all around my room and there is no sign of anyone but me being here, im sure I fell asleep next to her I search the house and no ones around, I feel isolated lost awkward in my own reality.
I place a call to her number no answer, I call again no answer, I txt, getting more and more angry as I feel more lost and desperate, did she even exist? were we together last night? Was I dreaming?

If you go away

Theres a million versions of this song but I love these 2 the most.



Dusty Springfield is just amazing.