Going out is the scariest thing I do these days

Goin to the nirvana exhibit today I've been trying to go for a while but I'm a bit worried but I've got to do things I want to do just because they remind me of things that hurt doesn't mean I shouldn't do them anyway really looking forward to it :)) love love love nirvana and I'm writing a piece on them for an xfm comp to win one of kurts guitars :) I won't win but it's fun to do :)))

I'm worst at what I do best and for this gift I feel blessed our little group has always been and always will until the end

Last and First

This will be my last post in this form. basically I have used this blog for means it was not intended and now im going to delete all of my old posts and change it to what is was origionally for. I have used this blog to vent my feelings on certain maters of my life which i doubt anyone will find interesting so im taking it all down. I feel that its time to move on from that part of my life and start fresh.

music fashion and art have always been the most important things to me they work hand in hand. so from now on this blog will be used to exhibitit my musical work as well as mine and my friends art ill also be posting photos in a sort of lookbook way just of people who look good and of outfits i like of mine and people i know. hopfully we will have a post religion music and art label and some post religion nights, also ive been in talks of a post religion exhibition with a few established artists already showing interest and some live acts willing to play.

So keep your eyes out for the name †Post Religion†

Death in the family (in loving memory)

There was a death in the family when she came to town
There was a death in the family when she came around
From walking feet bloody through old cobbled streets
To drunken liasons with the devils and creeps

These star crossd demons that live inside her
 to cross her head with tenuios scars
to play games with herslf
to say shes a fool
she plays with herself
her demons en all.

sordid fantasy of ricocheted hearts left me alone in the hours of dark
with dirty love and fantasys past im dry of blood and forgotten my heart
but hours of dark they all yearn to pass and the morning arises for this frail heart
but this little girl her mourning is done hedonistic liasons with devils and drums.

The dark place In my head I recoil as love jumps at blood and it boils up
the words in my head will never be enough to stop me from folding and calling your bluff
so tell me sweet princess whats in your head?
I know when I come home
the familys dead

and I live this reality day after day
with bones and blood and complete disaray
The children are crying the noise is to loud
Theres was a death in the family when she came around.

RE: Seperation

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion.
I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate.
All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
Time to die.




I need to ask you so many questions but you never listen or choose to ignore, maybe sub conciously but you never hear nontheless. Why is there so much negative energy between us constantly you have bassed the end of our love, life and friendship on me responding to your negativity in a negative way (how else should i respond?) you wait and wait unitil the very last minuete pushing me further and further away "and remember we can both get with whoever we want..if it happens .. no violence..no arguing. BROTHER ♥" I read this as we are all ready completely over and this is us trying to be friends going out meeting people kissing them? going home with them? deserting each other in the name of a one night stand? Im not ready for this, get scared and dont go out, how was i supposed to know? and imagine my suprise after youve told me we can definitely not stay at yours and made it very clear your uncomfortable with me coming out for you to say I love you, I need you , I want to fuck you needles to say these are all mutual feelings,things ive longed to hear for so long but as always in the wrong context. I cant help feel like this is some sort of game and there would be no way you would be telling me these things if i played by your rules but i cant, i had for a year and a half and ended up heart broken and completely destroyed . In the things youve said to me this isnt the end maybe for your in your head but in your reality you ended this a long time ago. the things youve said in the messages youve sent me bring back emotions full of love and kindness but i realise you only tell me how you feel when you want an emotional response. all i can say is what i always say im hear for you to love but not to hurt I will help you when you need me but i will not let you put me down or make me feel stupid or a failure anymore because im not and if that makes me a less appealing person to you then im sorry but we have both changed so much. I understand why you see this as the complete end and respect that but if what you said in those messages was true you would work at this with me, we have a connection, i want you , your my soulmate. anyway hope your move goes well and ill help if you need me. id like to come and hear you read stories but i guess you dont want that now i want to support you in all your endevours but im sure you dont want that either. so all i can say is goodluck for your future and i hope you realise that this isnt the end maybe just a new beginning, maybe you can be happy finally :) xxxxxxxx





The last thing i may quote regarding you 
“And it came to me then. That we were wonderful traveling companions but in the end no more than lonely lumps of metal in their own separate orbits. From far off they look like beautiful shooting stars, but in reality they’re nothing more than prisons, where each of us is locked up alone, going nowhere. When the orbits of these two satellites of ours happened to cross paths, we could be together. Maybe even open our hearts to each other. But that was only for the briefest moment. In the next instant we’d be in absolute solitude. Until we burned up and became nothing.”
Sputnik's Sweetheart.

Music

Music is what drives me. I have for as long as i can remember felt suffocated by the modern world, the choice of culture of the majority and the hypocrisy of our goverment and western cultures. my cure for this is music music that lets me breathe, music that makes me smile and when i find tracks that give me that feeling of being complete i  feel alive again for 3 and a half minuets. Right Enough bullshit heres some music i love because it helps me live.

Burn

I slowly burn as the sun comes up, watching her upside down, knickers round her ankles, eyes wide from the cocktail of drink and drugs this night has thrust into her body, he moves to her as my stomach drops, someone just killed the power to the lift and im falling, falling, burning bright. I watch theyre bodies blend and contort fitting neatly together, like a lost jigsaw piece finally finding its place in the puzzle, her primal howls echo through the house. I blend into the backround.



Later she tells me "I hate to love you so I hurt you to live" I tell her I love her as I kiss her forehead, she kisses my lips softly and tells me she misses me but tomorrow will be tomorrow and the day after will be then. she falls asleep in his arms with tears on her face.



Our past burns brighter than our future.

øøøøå\/\/åK∑∆u7P3††††††

I miss you

I love Blink 182 they remind me of house parties and being young , well TBH they pretty awful but they make me happy when im sad,. they remind me of being 13 when all i had to care about was skating, girls and getting high. anyway heres some of theyre songs that make me smile.....

Listening to this now reminds me of a girl i once met at a babyshambles gig in camden.











This video is great Dev and Florence playing blink 182 covers cant go wrong haha.


Keep it teen